On Guilt

On Friday last week I was ready to throttle my child, which is never good. I needed a break. Especially when DH rang at 4pm saying, I'll be home in 5 to get changed, going to the pub for a drink with the boys...

:me fuming:

So he came home and got changed and left. I was simmering and decided to go out to my friend's, with DD in tow. So I made DH some dinner for when he got home and was getting a nappy ready when he came back. Before I had left. :( Before I could say anything, he said to me (probably having seen only one plate on the bench and hearing I had my shoes on), Aren't you going out?
Floored me before I had a chance to say anything like, I've had enough of DD, I need a break, I'll be back later..

So I walked out of the house, without my phone, without saying good bye to my girl and went over to my friend's - cos no one else could meet me in town for an hour or two. Pathetic, I know. But it goes to show how all the people I know have lives! and I don't. Not really.
I stayed at my friend's for 2 hours and guilt bloody well nearly ate me alive!! I felt so stink I hadn't said good bye to my girl. And then worried her dad was going to put her to bed in her room and close the door and let her scream until she was asleep. Not that he would, but since he talked about it when I was in France 3 months ago, I was freaking out.
I don't know which is worse of grief or guilt, but they both eat you alive!!
I came home and DD was in bed and DH was reading her a story. He said she'd cried for a solid hour after I'd left. Great. That really helped the guilt!!

So, like the T Rex says in Toy Story, "great, now I have guilt"

:P